alittlechance.blogspot.com

Goodbye!

2011-01-06T20:28:00.004+07:00

Assuming that there are readers, I'm waving goodbye that now I'm moving to wordpress hell yeah!

http://unseriouslyserious.wordpress.com if you care to give a visit. Bye bye bye!

Shutting down the blog

2010-12-31T11:34:00.003+07:00

I guess I'll give myself 1 week to rethink whether I'm going to shut down this blog or not. No matter what my decision will be, I'm starting a new one anyway.

Say these words

2010-12-25T19:31:00.003+07:00

as the night ends

the sun reappear

realizing that I've just done wrong

chances are well wasted

telling the truth shouldn't feel this bad

or at least I convince myself that it's the truth

and I'm sure I didn't lie

knowing that you're actually already happy with what's given for your life

believe me, you have more than I do

just..

I couldn't deny

I've wasted what I should've taken

but I know it's good for you, and more, for me

you know, like what I said, about my analogy about a lover and a classy restaurant?

I just don't think that you...

oh well I'm sorry I couldn't continue

better I'm being defensive and you hate me

rather than I'm saying everything you shouldn't have heard,

if you didn't.....

just, if you didn't..........

but you did

and now you can't.......... anymore.

having it on my own, for my own sake

sorry.

Christmas resolution (not 2011 resolution, too late to start)

2010-12-21T23:59:00.004+07:00

By holiday, I think I would get some jobs, probably in my dad's office. Gonna work my ass off, learn to grow up, and just being productive, so I won't pity myself while earning money. I hope Daddy doesn't mind or I'll start looking for jobs which require my musical ability, which is very low and unskilled enough. And I would read some books, go to places I've never been before, alone, and.... the hardest part: do some sports.

I guess I'm old enough to realize that plans are made to be fulfilled, not just to be bragged. I want to change. I want to learn. I hope this Christmas is a good start. I don't need any Christmas presents like what I used to get, I just want my spirit back, and I want to talk with God like I used to when I was younger.

It's all because.....

It's been sad enough for always disappointing my parents for 19 years. I don't want to be the same disappointing daughter anymore. It's all for my parents, and for God. That's all. My life is not for me, nor for people I met in campus. I hope when 2011 ended I smile when I'm looking back, and said,

"I've tried real hard, but I still have to run, and never stop. Because nothing is ever enough."

you don't mean it but it hurts like hell.

2010-12-20T23:06:00.002+07:00

Not that I've been in hell nor I want to know what it's like, guys, it's just a metaphor, stop taking things too seriously.

If this is a turning point, then I hope it will take me to a better place, instead of keep being drown in the same shit. I'm tired. I can't find the right momentum. Guess it's safe to say that I give up already. And...... I hope you're satisfied. Yeah, I do hope so.

Too Much to Ask

2010-12-19T21:06:00.002+07:00

It's the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
It's funny when you think it's gonna work out
Til you chose weed over me, you're so lame

I thought you were cool until the point
But up until the point you didn't call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out you're all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story

Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
Youre too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for?

I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But everytime I try to make you smile
You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is it too much that I'm asking for?

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Can't find where i am
Lying here
Alone I fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I'm asking for

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFluid Mechanics

2010-12-15T11:52:00.002+07:00

#@#$^&*%#&@^$#@%(*$@#&*@##^$@*#&^$%@#$^%@#*&$^#%$&@^#$%*&^!!

My mind isn't set to......

2010-12-13T14:37:00.002+07:00

probably it's because all of this academic thingy that has blinded me to see anything other than..... but, wait, no it isn't. I don't even give extra attention to my exams; yes, I study, but I still spend more time in front of my laptop. So whyyy whyyyyy whyyy the hell? And I've lost the pleasure of going out, eating good food, watching great movie either. And I no longer try to fit in. I guess I've lost all of my passion of living. Not that I'm ready to die already, no. I just kinda never find the same sparks, the same butterflies, or anything you may call it. I'm booooooooooooooooooooooored. I hope I don't lose my interest in music, though I've lost a 'home' where I began to discover more about it.

Self-healing?

2010-12-12T13:45:00.003+07:00

Kinda locked myself in my room for two days. Met no one except people who live under the same roofs, and some friends who decided to borrow my notes. Spent my days listening to songs through the SR80 that I borrowed from a friend of mine, and chatting, and shedding tears, and writing blogs; have studied nothing yet. But I guess I'm okay now :) Guess I just need to learn to stop demanding people to do what I want them to do. My stomach hurts, I dunno what junk I've been eaten these 2 days; all instant meals, and I catch a cold, too, and it's still final exams week oh Loooooooooooord, and I haven't finished my Fluid Mechanics report, too. Oh shit shit shit shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit I haven't studied Probability as well and I just keep complaining online shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitt. I hate being weak; when there are bad things happen around me, I can't do what I have to do. Grow up, Avi! Grow up! This world wouldn't wait for you, it keeps running, and if you're left behind, you're just left behind!

Oh. And label me.

2010-12-11T13:38:00.002+07:00

Something like, "she's explosive! Stay away from her! At least don't get any nearer than the radius 15 meters from her" or something.

Fakers.

I still continue whining

2010-12-11T13:30:00.002+07:00

I admit it, I hate to see people around me acting as if they are very caring and nice persons, while they can't even see that their close friend is in a trouble, and all they do is just fooling around, making so-not-funny jokes, faking laughs, and acting cute around people they try to impress.

Guess my hatred has gone this deep unless I wouldn't write such things. Go. I'll choose to be a solitaire either.

GPA

2010-12-10T17:25:00.002+07:00

Actually my love life nowadays is never the main problem, it's just a trigger that makes me want to pull all my hair out.

It's always been my academic life. My GPA. My scores. The subjects I've failed.

It's harder to face the truth (low GPA), when you're a daughter of a very very very great and nice lecturer, and all of a sudden you realize that you've been to laid back that you never use your spare time to study, and that you're not even good at any campus organization, and that you're always late to attend every classes you take. Now I'm feeling like a big failure; TRASH. Throw me away. I'm not even useful as a human, always been a big disappointment for everybody who care about me. I give my parents low GPA, I give my friends my apathy, and I give ones who care about me bad attitude. Just... I hate myself already. And I've failed everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

So, I'll click the Publish button, and then I'm going to sleep, hoping it would clear my head so anytime soon I could start studying Fluid Mechanics. Campus life has never been this hell on my first year. WOW. Now it's my second year. Let's see how long I survive.

Now that it's clear as a bell,

2010-12-10T17:21:00.004+07:00

that you're never number one, Avi. Never. And how many people have to tell you until you finally see it yourself? Hard way to learn. So now I'm exactly not where you think I would be today at this very hour. I'll cut all my communication lines just to make sure that I won't be waiting for any texts, any calls, or just anything, not even Twitter. At least just for today. Or who knows tomorrow I'll still think that I'll be better by myself without any interruption?

Go. Break your promise. It's like all day I've planned to escape what I was invited to just to fulfill the promise, and it just turns out that you forgot it. I might end everything soon, with you, or just with everybody on earth. Maybe I really do deserve it, don't I, to be alone?

Convince me

2010-12-06T08:17:00.004+07:00

that I might not be this kind of person forever

just like the way I've changed you into this kind of person you are now

Well probably it's too much confident for me saying it, but, just admit it dear, I've seen it, the way you think before you met me, and the way you think after you met me, it's like a turning point when you decided to create a new personality just to feel safe.

Happy day for you, and whoever you were with yesterday, yeah I know you were about to ask me to have lunch together, and like I said, I'm sorry, I'm only serious with the person who's serious with me, and that you ended up with another person, or girl, I don't know you anymore. You're too slow, yet too fast. Good luck for your final exam today, and for you, I can't say God bless you since you don't believe in one, so, just let the force be with you :)

I certainly hope that you're not on your way back

2010-12-04T10:43:00.004+07:00

Hello, blog speaker, I hope you're reading this soon, or late, better than not reading at all.

I don't have any clue about you, never knew what you've been goin through, all I know is what's shown outside, dear, the cold face, the wise advises, and the patience, who knew that once I found your old diary it turns out that you're not even any wiser than me? And, see, I found it online, wow, thanks to technology, and thanks to my random click that day, I finally found what you kept hiding all these times; you're just as fragile as I am.

I have no idea why you decided to write my name, is it because you assume that I wouldn't find, and anybody wouldn't even care to read, or is it because you actually have an implicit hope that I somehow will read it and blush, or find out that I was just a delicate doll for you? Look, you wrote it October, and you didn't even make a single move. I don't care whether you're a lucky bastard or you're just a retarded asshole, I know you, and we both know we're not two very nice persons on earth, when will you reveal your thick mask and show your trully self??

Because maybe what I have for you have died, since that I have a person that I want to have something with and he too (maybe just for now, this very short time, but who would give a damn), but this puzzle is still unsolved. We need to talk. Not online. Directly. Would you care to? Would you come and say it to my face?

Please don't make me lose all my patience. I know you and you know me. And what we had, who knew that they were real. Or not.

Seriously,

2010-12-02T17:01:00.002+07:00

you act like a boy several years younger than me. I'm tired. Please understand that I actually like you, but you never prove anything to me. Just empty words. Empty words. I'd rather go listening to some great lyrics than have to interpret your texts.

The Beauty of The Unfolded Mask

2010-11-22T23:32:00.003+07:00

These several weeks I've been feeling like a mess, acting as if I'm mature enough, and being weak. Who said that getting attention doesn't lead you astray? I tell you, getting higher dose of attention could drive you insane, some people just can't resist it, go hiding, and some just always want more.

I believe that there is a simple explanation for it; it's hard for humans to feel satisfied. But who's the victim? We ourselves. Me, I mean. Feeling like there's always lack of something will make you feel insecure, keep you asking why and what, and wondering why it can't be more. And actually this insecure feeling leads me to another question; do I deserve it?

Okay going on about this is not a good idea. So let the question remains question 'til the day I decide to do what's next; actually I always think about what's next and what's next next, but, yeah, well, nevermind.

So, mask.

Some people are good at sorting stories and hiding bad things, it's just as if a friend (not a close one) is going to enter your untidy room (just imagine that it's untidy, if it is tidy, just imagine it is not), would you just let him/her get in, or would you clean it up first?

People need integrity. People care about what others think about them. People want others to believe they're good. Though everybody has goodness in 'em, doesn't mean they're as good as you think they are. Careful. Some people are just too skillful with words.

Here I gave ya a quote I got from a friend of mine

What you see doesn't always happen, and what happens isn't always seen.

The walls. The bricks. The doors.

2010-11-12T00:13:00.004+07:00

Yes, I've built walls, thick ones. But I'm not stupid. Off course it have doors. You just have to find one. The right one. And how to open it, or to bell, or to knock. I won't be going anywhere outside those walls. Or you choose to destroy the walls and leave em crumbled? The rest is up to you.

Contradictions

2010-11-09T22:09:00.003+07:00

what to hate and what to love

when to say yes and when to say no

when to smile and when to cry

when you could go on about everything and when you should just shut up

when to say yes to a free ride home

and when to refuse because it's been too often

when to reply a text message with sweet words

and when you should reply it just the way it is

when to say yes to an offer to have dinner together

and when to say no because you should not have dinner after having a barbaric lunch

when to think that he could be around by your side

and when you should be professional having distances between you two

when to say you miss him

and when to say you are waiting for him to start a conversation

when to say you need a time alone

and when to say you need accompany in silence

when to say you need support

and when to say all you need for a moment is just a hug

when to tell there are problems in your head

and when to tell that you could forget the problems for awhile just because of his smile

when to say that family always comes first

and when to say that you're willing to take whatever it takes to be with the one you love...

Hell yeah, Father, guess I'm too young to be in love.

Sentimental

2010-11-04T20:39:00.005+07:00

I miss the feeling of meeting a new person and then suddenly I can go on about everything that has happened in my life, and I do know that I can trust him, and I can tell everything while looking into his eyes, and he listens every words I say smiling, and all of a sudden all of my insecurities are gone. It's like we've been related long time before.

I really miss the feeling.

*forcing myself not to write that I miss the person :(((

to the light that never goes out

2010-11-02T14:58:00.004+07:00

give me a time to break

now I get down on my knees and cry

and I still adore you

though I'm not begging

your presence is still there

like a candle that never runs out of paraffin

you somehow gave me light

and I was just like a flying white ant that follow it everywhere

blinded by the beauty

blinded by the warmth

and now paralyzed

and break down

'cause at that very moment, all I see is light

but now,

I'm not sure what I can see anymore.

How do you like to be compared?

2010-10-26T00:47:00.002+07:00

Talents, I don't know where they come from, are actually subjective to people who might give em scores. Some people might seem as if they have it all; the look, the beauty, the attitude, the brain, the ability to do things; music, sports, everything; honestly, I've seen some people who have it all, yes, ALL of it.

Used to ask why is it so unfair for me living live haven't found what's great in me yet, it was like being a failure. Great at nothing, and also not a real nice person that people would love. And I'm not even pretty. Why would bother look and want to know. Sigh. Sigh.

Yeah I know I sound shallow. Yes, I am shallow. And you are, too. You. Yes, you. Admit it or not, you like to give people score through their talents, and compare one to another, make judgements, and sometimes you will claim one is more worthy than the other cause of the talents they have. You are allowed to correct me if I'm wrong. That's what I see around me.

People may have tried their best, failed or succeeded, there are always persons who could do better, and those who can't be better, are just left behind. Not just through what you could do, sometimes looks matter, too. You look to what you like to look. You see to what you like to see. Then you'll listen. Then you'll care. Then you'll give compliments.

Honestly, I hate it when people compare me to others, keep saying I look similar to whom, and how she does better than me, or I sound like whom, and how people want her more than they want me. Haha. But why bother to hate, actually, now I'd like to state it "don't like". I don't like people compare me to others. Seriously, dude, I know I'm not good enough, I've already known it. Comparing me to others just like bolding the part that I'm not good enough.

But however, people would do what they just want to do.

So, again, hello, world. Welcome to the real world. You can't always be treated the way you want to be treated. And I just remember a statement that I found as I was doing the blog-walking activity:

Giving people compliments for something that they're good at is just like giving people compliments for breathing.

Yeah figure it out, maybe you'll get what I mean. Maybe.

Irreplaceable

2010-10-24T22:30:00.002+07:00

The fear is not here anymore. Not even there. If you guys think that it is a solution, I won't mind, I'll take it. I have big enough pride to say that you are the ones who are gonna regret, not me. The moment she knows you well, I don't think she would mind to handle it like the way I do. So if you act like you're worthy, yes, you are, but then you'll see that everybody is irreplaceable. I already give in, I know what's best for me now, and how about you? Do you?

Every people you met in your life, they are teachers.

2010-10-16T01:11:00.007+07:00

Getting used to watch people come and go forces me not to be dependent anymore. I never like it that people think I'm weak, but I know I am, and it's not because I like to beg people to pity me, it's because I am still young, not determined enough, and - cliche - still have a lot to learn.

I'm glad that somehow I find myself more open-minded than some people around me; that's what my family always taught me, and I rarely am afraid of falling or getting hurt. Now that I'm taking a break by building walls and see who would and could break down the walls - oh come on, who would?

So, then again, I thank all of my teachers; the ones who have come and have gone. If you guys do stay, I'm not sure that I would improve myself to be this kind of girl I am now. 'though I now see the world skeptically, I do have better and brighter vision now, and I don't regret what I had those days; I smile for the shit I've been crying for.

Last seven words;

thank you. I love you. Good night :)

what I wanted, what I used to want, what I've been wanting, and what I want

2010-10-10T20:53:00.003+07:00

I don't give a damn that the title is grammatically incorrect, you get what I mean, don't you?

There was always two sides of me arguing about what I wanted and what I needed, and ended up I had a lot of wants, some were accomplished, and some were not. It was such a hell seeing my dreams broken, and worse, getting my heart broken. Taylor Swift may stated it that time heals almost everything, I completely disagree; time doesn't, our mind does. Have changed my point of view, what I wanted wasn't all I want now. I did had some shallow wants and shallow needs I held back then, wanting to be someone more than who I've used to be, and now I'm tired; the truth had shown that I can't, or maybe it just takes time. I'm still young, I still have a lot to learn.

And when it comes about love, the way I see it, actually love isn't about being with someone you want, or someone you think you have lots of things in common most with, or someone that people around you say you look good together with; it's all about commitments, as my dad has just said it today. You might someday find someone you feel comfortable with, someone who can always makes you smile even when you were in your worst condition, someone who always seems to get everything you said, someone who doesn't think that you were a freak for keeping lots of records of your own songs; someone who you think was in love with you. It looks good, it looks as if everything is falling into its place, while actually, no, it doesn't. Because, someone you'll someday marry with, is not always the one you met in your young age that you think is a perfect match for you; half of you; because there is no such thing as 'your half', 'your ribs', 'your lost half', you were born complete, with your ribs on their place, so there is no other half of you. You are one. Not a half. And there is maybe, for some people, someone out there who like you for who you really are and is willing to have a real commitment with you, and you feel like you're going for it. It does happens.

Ah. Thinking about what I want now, all I want for this short time, is just to see my dad happy, to see my mom happy, to watch my brother grow up being a great man. That's what I want. Uhm. Wait. It didn't stop just there. I want to have a band, an acoustic one, or a duet just like EndahNRhesa or Damien Rice, and of course I want a good GPA, I want to go abroad, I want to sing good performing live often, I want to be able to cook delicious foods, I want to be able to make great designs, I want to dance, I want to be a great SLR user, I want to.............................

Left-brained

2010-10-07T20:19:00.001+07:00

For crying out loud, I miss the touch of my creativity; I need to write a song a.s.a.p.

LOLs

2010-09-30T21:00:00.001+07:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

♡

2010-09-30T19:18:00.000+07:00

Profesor:
"Apakah Tuhan menciptakan segala yang ada?"

Seorang mahasiswa:
"Betul, Dia yang menciptakan semuanya"

Profesor :
"Tuhan menciptakan semuanya?"
"Ya,Pak, semuanya" kata mahasiswa tersebut

Profesor itu menjawab,
"Jika Tuhan menciptakan segalanya, berarti Tuhan menciptakan Kejahatan"

Mahasiswa itu terdiam & tidak bisa menjawab hipotesis profesor tersebut.

Mahasiswa lain berkata, "Profesor, boleh saya bertanya sesuatu?"
"Tentu saja," jawab si Profesor
Mahasiswa:
"Profesor, apakah dingin itu ada?"
"Pertanyaan macam apa itu? Tentu saja dingin itu ada."
Mahasiswa:
"Kenyataannya, Pak, dingin itu tidak ada. Menurut hukum fisika, yang kita anggap dingin itu adalah ketiadaan panas. Suhu -460 F adalah ketiadaan panas sama sekali & semua partikel menjadi diam & tidak bisa bereaksi pada suhu tersebut.
Kita menciptakan kata dingin untuk mendeskripsikan ketiadaan panas."

Mahasiswa itu melanjutkan, "Profesor, apakah gelap itu ada?"
Profesor itu menjawab,
"Tentu saja itu ada."
Mahasiswa itu menjawab
"Sekali lagi anda salah, Pak. Gelap itu juga tidak ada. Gelap adalah keadaan dimana tidak ada cahaya.
Cahaya bisa kita pelajari, gelap tidak.
Kita bisa menggunakan prisma Newton untuk memecahkan cahaya menjadi beberapa warna & mempelajari berbagai panjang gelombang setiap warna. Tapi Anda tak bisa mengukur gelap. Seberapa gelap suatu ruangan diukur dengan berapa intensitas cahaya di ruangan tersebut.
Kata gelap dipakai manusia untuk mendeskripsikan ketiadaan cahaya."

Akhirnya mahasiswa itu bertanya, "Profesor, apakah kejahatan itu ada?"
Dengan bimbang professor itu menjawab, "Tentu saja!"
mahasiswa itu menjawab, "Sekali lagi Anda salah,Pak. Kejahatan itu tak ada. Kejahatan adalah ketiadaan Tuhan.
Seperti dingin atau gelap, kejahatan adalah kata yang dipakai manusia untuk mendeskripsikan ketiadaan Tuhan.
Tuhan tak menciptakan kejahatan.
Kejahatan adalah hasil dari tak adanya kasih Tuhan di hati manusia."
Profesor itu terdiam.
Nama mhsw itu adalah Albert Einstein

*gotten this as ɑ BM from Adi Cipta

Smile, and the world will smile with you :)

2010-09-27T23:52:00.004+07:00

I've told you that trying to be patient will always give a relief :) what I needed was just time, some hours to thinker and try to calm myself down and change my own point of view. Doesn't mean that I've changed completely, or all of a sudden I feel comfortable; I just somehow think that this is not a process to find a new family or something, this is a process of growing up and getting more mature. And yeah thanks guys you do make my days brighter :)

My World

2010-09-26T23:54:00.002+07:00

The fastest girl in the world, fast asleep at the wheel
Nobody wants to be alone, so how did I get here?
When I look at you, I see her staring through
A wink and a smile, cause she's been inside of you

Is she all the things you tried to change me into?
Is she everything to you?

Does she make you high, make you real?
Does she make you cry?

Does she know the way you feel?
Love is all around you, your universe is full
But in my world, there is only you

I can still find the smell
On my clothes and skin
I can still see your face, when you're sleeping next to her

I've had enough of fears, you let them out
Now I wrap myself around you
Like a blanket full of doubt
The darkness grows!
The sunlight stings!
She's your everything

You make me high! You make me real!
You make me cry! Now you know the way I feel
Love is all around you, your universe is full
But in my world, there is only you

WE ARE BROKEN~

2010-09-24T21:13:00.002+07:00

Sesi-sesi galau dan emosi dan mangkel sendiri should've been over, tapi memang.. memang, manusia memang tidak bisa selamanya berusaha ceria :( gue gak suka dibanding-bandingkan. Gue gak suka usaha gue nggak dianggap. Tapi ya sudahlah.. maybe I'm just not their criteria. Somehow I feel a little need to disappear, but how could I :'(

BTW the title doesn't refer to me having my heart broken, it's a song of Paramore's that I used to listen on my high school phase. Search it. Read the lyrics. And listen to it. That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

hayo!

2010-09-22T00:58:00.002+07:00

Capek mencoba untuk berbahasa Inggris, baiklah sekarang mau nulis blog pake bahasa Indonesia aja.

Belakangan ini, entah kenapa, gue jadi sangat hobi meng-ansos. Biasanya gue akan sangat sedih kalo liburan nggak pergi ke mana-mana sama sekali, bisa sampe BT, tapi entah kenapa liburan kemarin gue malah bahagia bisa diem di rumah tanpa main atau jalan-jalan sama sekali sama temen-temen; dan bahkan sempat menulis lagu, latihan nyanyi, latihan gitar, entah kenapa mendadak kegiatan-kegiatan tersebut terasa lebih menyenangkan dibanding main jalan-jalan. Setelah masuk kuliah juga sama aja. Gue jadi lebih seneng sendirian; ada 1 pengecualian sih, gue tetep seneng kumpul sama temen-temen unit, beserta calon-calon anggota unitnya juga :) tapi di luar itu, I'm quite solitaire and apathetic. Di kostan apa lagi, dengerin lagu, internetan, sama nonton TV aja berhasil banget bikin gue males keluar-keluar. Ck.

Speaking of comfort zone, mungkin gue hanya belum menemukan comfort zone di luar unit kali ya :( dan belakangan ini gue juga banyak BT setiap harus mengikuti beberapa kegiatan yang pada awalnya dengan senang hati gue ikuti tapi belakangan selalu berhasil menghancurkan mood gue sampe gue sering pengen nangis dan bener-bener give up trying to blend in :(

Pertanyaannya adalah, apakah gue merasa BT seperti itu karena terbiasa berada di lingkungan unit yg sangat menyenangkan, yg isinya bener-bener berasa kayak keluarga, dengan candaan-candaan nge-junk tapi ashik, sering BT-BTan tapi selalu berakhir kangen-kangenan, jadi aja begitu gue terjerembab (terjebak bukan kata yg tepat) di suatu kondisi yang berlawanan dengan keadaan di unit, atau kurang dikit aja, gue jadinya gampang BT dan sedih? Atau gue hanya belum berhasil beradaptasi aja? Apa gue terlalu banyak menuntut? Apa gue pada awalnya terlalu berharap banyak sehingga begitu kenyataannya jauh di bawah ekspektasi gue, gue kecewa, kesal, dan sedih?

Gue hanya berusaha untuk nggak menyalahkan siapa-siapa, termasuk juga nggak mau menyalahkan diri sendiri, gue pikir--seperti kakak-kakak dan lain-lain terbiasa menyebutnya--ini adalah sebuah proses. Tapi sesungguhnya, proses itu pun pilihan, gimana kita mau ngejalaninnya, iya kan? Kalo memang bikin makan hati (bukan literally), apa iya kita harus mengorbankan semua waktu kita untuk sesuatu yang selalu bikin kita sedih dan break down? Dan, hey, ini bukan pertama kalinya gue masuk ke sebuah perkumpulan; gue udah ikut kaderisasi calon anggota unit dulu, gue udah ikut kepanitiaan sebuah event cukup besar di kampus, gue juga udah ikut jadi panitia lapangan di penerimaan mahasiswa baru (yang acaranya memang ruined banget, thanks to bapak-ibu pejabat kampus yang terlalu memandang rendah panitia lapangan <---masih kesal, karena ayah gue jadi ikut kena tuduh, padahal beliau oke-oke aja gue jadi panitia), serta kepanitiaan-kepanitiaan acara-acara kecil unit yang cukup banyak itu, DAN SEKARANG INI PERTAMA KALINYA GUE MERASA gak nyaman berlebihan, selalu BT, dan pengen nangis, sebelumnya nggak pernah kayak gini!

Sebelum nulis post ini, gue juga udah mikir dulu, etis nggak sih nulis persoalan ini di blog, tapi gue pikir, toh gue juga nggak bawa-bawa nama, jadi silahkan Anda para pembaca asumsikan sendiri apa yang gue maksud di sini, dan kalo ada yg kiranya mau menjawab juga boleh, dan kalo ada yg merasa offended, maaf yaaaa, tapi gue hanya mengutarakan apa yg gue rasakan; gimana pun gue gak akan bisa bohong kalo gue merasa nggak nyaman.

Manusia diberi karunia berupa akal budi oleh Tuhan, saya pikir dengan itu manusia bebas menentukan pilihannya sendiri, mau berada di mana melakukan apa.

Semoga tulisan di atas nggak disalahmengertikan oleh siapapun yg nggak merasa capek bacanya ya. I'm on my worst mental condition. I hope you would understand.

Hello!

2010-09-17T01:28:00.004+07:00

When we come across the room from two different sides, and we were just like, locked; me, I wanna say something but I know I shouldn't, and you, you don't have an urge to say a thing. Then every second feels like year to me 'til we smiled at each others, said a simple, "Hello," and then we passed, and none of us turn our head back trying to find out if the other is turning his/her back.

PPPPPPATHETIC. I'm tired of people telling me there is two option; "Just move on!!" or "Say something! How would he know if you never tell him?". The truth is, it's not that simple. First option; MOVE ON, do you even know what's the meaning of 'move on'?? I mean, could you? Once you really feel like you have something in common with a person, and you feel like he's already a part of you, he understands you, and he resembles your dad so much, CAN YOU!? Then maybe you would say "find another one!", as if it's that easy! You may find some people attractive, but does it mean you will fall? Does it mean you feel bigger chemistry with that 'attractive' person? 'Moving on' is never simple. I've forced myself to. I've been. I've joined like too many activities in campus, trying to know more new people, and all that happens is everywhere I go I kinda always look for another 'you', always, and it always ends up with disappointments; going home alone in a damn cold night, crying without a noise.. And the more I write this, the more pathetic you'll see I am.

The second option; TELL HIM. Heeeeeey, are you insane?? You don't even know who I'm dealing with, what I'm facing. Some people may think that just because I don't talk much it means I'm shy, or I'm always afraid to say what I feel; the truth is no, I am not. I've always been honest to that guy I'm dealing with. The problem is..... he has always been, too. It would be stupid to write his full statement here, but the point is.. we are just not able to make it.

Either he is heartless for taking it too easy, or he is way too thoughtful for preventing this going any further, or he is too scared that the history would repeat itself, or he was just thinking that I wouldn't mind, I don't know, I don't know, I don't understand. I simply hate myself for thinking that I knew him, that I read what's in his mind; I hate myself for my past-confidence. I should have not take everything to far, I should have not expected anything, and there are thousands of other 'I should have not's mumbling out of my mind. I hhhhhhhhate it. I hate it when I find a way to make it but then I woke up and realize that everything is just a dream. I hate it that all I can do is just to see everything from distance. I hate it that sometimes, the same smile, still makes me fall all over again, and makes me hope everything back like before. I hate it. I hate it. And I don't even know what I hate because there is no one to blame.

So when it comes to a quote, 'If you love someone, let him go. If he comes back to you, he's all yours', it was just like an empty sentence to me. I don't know how far I've fallen, but it might've been clear that I do love him, and of course I let him go, I'm not a person who would stand in his way, and.... 'If he comes back'? Well, I don't know. This quote would make love-life seems like a fairytale, which always ends up with true love survives, while ironically, life isn't a fairytale; 'He's all yours', that is just silly; nothing in this world is ever ALL yours.

So, then again, next time we meet, yes, we'll still smile at each others, and simply say,

"Hello!"

OMG THESE STRAPS ARE TOTAL CUTENESS

2010-09-11T13:29:00.003+07:00

I just wonder if somebody is willing to buy these for me :3 hahahas.

September 3 Birthday Astrology

2010-09-11T13:25:00.002+07:00

Virgos born on September 3 are ambitious and may achieve their goals early in life. If they do, they cannot be satisfied until they also have an equally successful personal life. They have a great capacity for spirituality, which may not surface until later in life.

Friends and Lovers

People born on September 3 like having people around them yet have difficulty making close friends. Their strong level of competition sometimes creates animosity. They have a great need to show that they can attract the most eligible partners when what they really want is to find the person of their dreams and settle down. Once they do, they have a capacity for true happiness and contentment.

Children and Family

September 3 individuals have a somewhat grandiose view of what family life should be. Their growing years may have been less than idyllic. It may be difficult for them to generate the level of commitment they believe is necessary to be a good parent.

Health

September 3 people love good food and may have to adopt an active lifestyle to stay slim. Because of their positive attitude, they seldom experience nervous ailments. Though they may smoke or drink in moderation, they should supplement their diet with vegetables and vitamins.

Career and Finances

People born on September 3 are sufficiently talented to find success in many fields. They like to strike a balance between handling details and seeing the larger picture. They enjoy making money and not just to buy themselves a good life. They're willing to gamble but never get used to losing.

Dreams and Goals

September 3 natives are goal-oriented. They will pursue their dreams with every bit of energy and vitality they possess. One goal common to many September 3 folks is to start their own business; they have a strong entrepreneurial spirit.

Haha. I never say I believe horoscope and astrology kind of things. Reading these is amusing enough. Gotten this from http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/september-3-birthday-astrology.htm, if you're willing to try your own.

a year makes a lot of difference (re: you make the difference)

2010-09-09T17:59:00.000+07:00

I'm not proud of myself (in fact, I still have ɑ lot to hate about myself) but I'm just amazed looking back what this campus environment is turning me into. Looking back that I used to be ɑ secluded one who held all the problems in my head by myself in high school, and now that I'm okay telling people all my problems, it kinda reminds me to one of Taylor Swift's songs, "I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen", not knowing who I really was, going through my high school phase was such ɑ hell. I was the kind of girl who sat on my own comfort zone with some friends who I only have known well, kinda built walls in my love-life experience, was always afraid not to get permissions to go to my friends sweet 17 parties (and also didn't know what to wear), thought that the ones with no good social label and great marks should not survive in the school, never got ɑ chance to be included in what I want to be in, wow that was soooooo long ago.
I'm no more in the position to blame others; my old friends, I know that it was just ɑ process. In finding and creating who I really am. For many nights I cried and for many pages of diaries I wrote those times, I thank God that I've been through that phase and I still survive. This is the reason why I never hate secluded kids, and I always LOATHE kids who wants too much ATTENTION and POPULARITY by discrediting other kids who aren't as confident as them (oh just go to hell!); I don't want other kids to fall to the kind of hole that I was in.
And I pray to God that one day I have kids, I always want them to live happier than I did. Amen :)

just me and these four walls again

2010-08-21T19:56:00.002+07:00

Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. A lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "What am I doing with my life?" to "Did I have homework?". The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up things I rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second in my life.

You're waiting for a train...

2010-08-21T19:54:00.001+07:00

You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't be sure. But it doesn't matter - because we'll be together.

- Mal, Inception

.... And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy.....?

2010-08-21T19:48:00.002+07:00

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

- He's Just Not That Into You

first and last impressions

2010-07-01T23:54:00.001+07:00

On the faces, at first, they might seem unfriendly. But who knows that once you’re getting to know ‘em better, they’re even more loyal than some people you thought they were?

—	me, after finding out that some people I trust disappoint me, and some people that I thought I would hate turn to be the comforting ones.

A Funny Story

2010-06-17T17:04:00.001+07:00

gotten this from http://fuckyeahkhangtrieu.tumblr.com/

A mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mom.” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Mom, I’m pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

reblog

2010-06-06T23:30:00.002+07:00

“I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong. Like all the drugs put together-the lithium, the Prozac, the desipramine, and Desyrel that I take to sleep at night-can no longer combat whatever it is that was wrong with me in the first place. I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out. But that was so long ago. I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn’t one I’ll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it’s worth it. I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. My dreams are polluted with paralysis. I regularly have night visions where my legs, though attached to my body, don’t move much. I try to walk somewhere-to the grocery store or the pharmacy, nowhere special, routine errands-and I just can’t do it. Can’t clumb stairs, can’t walk on level ground. I am exhausted in the dream and I become more exhausted in my sleep, if that’s possible. I wake up tired, amazed that I can even get out of bed. And often I can’t. I usually sleep ten hours a night, but often it’s many more. I am trapped in my body as I have never been before. I am perpetually zonked. One night, I even dream that I am in bed, stuck, congealed to the sheets, as if I were an insect that was squashed onto the bottom of someone’s shoe. I simply can’t get out of bed. I am having a nervous breakdown and I can’t move. My mother stands at the side of the bed and insists that I could get up if I really wanted to, and it seems there’s no way to make her understand that I literally can’t move. I dream that I am in a terrible trouble, completely paralyzed, and no one beleives me. In my waking life, I am almost this tired.”

- Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation.

Gogirl! fashion tag

2010-05-12T09:59:00.003+07:00

escape

adore keffiyeh

Hello Summer .

blurry

xoxo

just dance!

another day, another story

reddish

wild rock!

SF SF

Which one is your most favourite? Mine are two: Hello Summer . and SF SF. And I still think these 10 girls are all gorgeously stylish ♥

from http://gogirlmagz.com/beta/category/fashion-tag

it hurts me.

2010-05-12T06:56:00.001+07:00

wejangan Bu Andonowati

2010-05-09T22:29:00.003+07:00

gue masuk kelas Kalkulus secara random. nggak hobi masuk. tapi bukan hobi nggak masuk juga sih. di kelas gue selalu zhonk. nggak ngerti apa yang diomongin si ibu dosen. nggak tau sayanya yang goblok atau si ibu dosen ini menyampaikan materi kalkulus melalui frekuensi gelombang yang tidak bisa saya tangkap.. atau simple saja: gue nggak bisa fokus. yeah whatevs. pokoknya karena itu gue jadi sering nggak masuk. dan memang menyenangkannya dosen ini adalah, beliau tidak memperhitungkan absen. unyuuuu. dosen yang baik :3

temen gue bilang, yang menyenangkan dari berada dalam kelas Kalkulus semester II ini adalah, si ibunya sering bertingkah lucu, sering curcol, dan sering memberi wejangan-wejangan yang mengena. "Oh gitu," tanggap gue.

nah terus suatu hari gue masuk kelas Kalkulus (okay, baru kemaren-kemaren ini sih, Kamis kalo nggak salah ya). saya udah terlanjur disconnect sama materi Kalkulus, mau trying to reconnect juga udah ga bisa. jadi saya agak-agak bengong-bengong aja di kelas sambil sedikit-sedikit frustasi setiap si ibu dosen menulis rumus yang huruf dan simbolnya makin banyak serta grafik yang bentuknya makin berseni saja.

tapi di akhir-akhir kuliah, dia tiba-tiba mulai tampak berseri-seri seperti hendaknya setiap kali beliau mau mulai curcol. saya agak tertarik (hey, cerita pengalaman hidup itu 1000x lebih menarik daripada materi kalkulus. Mutlak). yaa walaupun tertarik gue nggak hapal 100% si ibu ngomong apa juga sih..

my favourite parts are when she said these things;

Waktu saya mulai bisa menerima kegagalan, saya merasa hidup itu enjooooy banget. Iya lho. Dulu saya sering frustasi karena gagal dapet nilai 100. Tapi setelah saya sadar, ya sudah kemampuan saya memang segitu, saya mulai ngerasa lega. Bukan berarti berhenti berusaha ya tapi...

Waktu saya bisa menerima kenyataan kalo wah orang itu lebih pintar dari saya, wah dia lebih cantik dari saya, wah dia lebih hebat dari saya, saya merasa hidup saya itu enjoy. Ya kita memang nggak akan pernah bisa jadi orang yang 'paling' dalam segala hal. Tapi kita pasti punya sesuatu yang orang lain nggak punya. Itu pasti.

Jadi, supaya hidup itu enjoy, kita harus bisa nerima kegagalan, nerima kenyataan, tapi kita tetep terus berusaha sebisa kita.

Yeah, saya baru sadar itu benar. Maksud gue, hey, kemaren-kemaren ini gue sempet depresi lhooo. Gue ini bukan seorang cewek yang cantik. Kadang ngeliat orang lain yang cantik banget, gue down (apalagi kalo karena hal yang absurd, kami dibanding-bandingkan, huuuuh). Terus juga, gue punya temen yang sama malesnya sama gue, tapi entah kenapa, dia selalu berhasil dapet nilai yang 2-3 kali lebih besar dari nilai gue. uh. unfair. Belom lagi di unit, banyak banget orang yang lebih jago nyanyi dan skill bermusiknya jauuuuuuh di atas gue. Di kehidupan sosial pun, banyak orang yang jauuuh lebih supel dan gaul dibanding gue.

Sometimes I had this question; "Am I an underdog? Can't I do nothing right at all?". Yak. Honestly gue bener-bener sempet mikir kayak gitu. merasa gagal. merasa selalu mengecewakan orang.

Tapi baru kemaren-kemaren ini gue mulai nyantai. Gue ngSMS ke bokap, ngaku nggak bisa ngerjain UTS Kalkulus, dan minta maaf kalo sampe nilainya jelek, dan (amit-amit) ngulang. Gue nangis. Bener-bener parah semester 2 gue. Dan bokap nggak marah. wuuuuh. makin nangis gue. Bokap bilang yang penting gue udah berusaha. yang penting gue sadar kalo mungkin ada cara belajar gue yang salah.

Dari situ gue mulai tenang. Yeah, banyak kesalahan-kesalahan di semester 2 ini. banyak masalah, dan gue ga bisa nge-handle. Pikiran gue juga banyak keganggu sama hal-hal diluar bidang akademik, yang bikin gue jadi ngga fokus sama pelajaran. Tapi ya sudah lah. I've tried my best for everything. Begitu juga tentang orang-orang lain yang jauh lebih segalanya dari gue itu. Ya sudahlah, memang begitu adanya, gue tercipta seperti ini, nggak kayak mereka. Yang penting gue tau siapa gue, apa yang bisa gue lakukan, dan usaha apa yang harus gue lakukan.

And I do have something that they don't have, although I haven't known what that "something" is yet.

Dan tiba-tiba Bu Andonowati ngomong kayak gitu di kelas....

Yes, it's right. kegagalan adalah bagian dari hidup. Like it or hate it, you have to go through it somehow. Kamu gagal bukan berarti kamu sampah. Bukan berarti kamu nggak bisa apa-apa. Selama kamu udah berusaha, kegagalan itu cuman menunjukkan kalo itu memang proses hidup, dari setiap usaha kamu nggak semuanya bisa berhasil juga.

And that failure, actually it makes my life sweet. Coba bayangkan kalo kamu berhasil terus seumur hidup kamu? Hey, keberhasilan itu bakal terasa tawar banget kan? Dan kamu bakal terus-terusan ngerasa nggak puas. pengen lebih dan lebih. Sementara, karena ada yang namanya kegagalan, kita jadi menghargai keberhasilan, dan juga merasa bahagia kan kalo berhasil?

Makasih banget, Bu Andonowati. Saya mungkin tukang bolos mata kuliah ibu, tapi kata-kata ibu yang ini, mengena banget buat saya yang baru-baru ini down. Thanks for being such a motivator :,)

What did I always say about TRUST?

2010-05-08T21:47:00.003+07:00

saya curiga loh ada ketidakberesan di balik semua ini.

The Ice Philosophy

2010-05-08T21:28:00.003+07:00

It's not about who can melt the ice.

But it's about

who could stand beside the ice,

stick to the ice,

and forever attached to the ice.

forever.

and ever. and ever. and ever.

hey, does that person even exist?

Purple Dress

2010-04-09T23:54:00.004+07:00

I just watched Sony with A Chance 6th episode, Three's Not A Company, and at the Chad's birthday party scene, Sony (Demi Lovato) appeared with this simple purple dress that I really love! If I could find a store that sells it, I'm so going to buy!

***all pictures are courtesy of Disney Channel. I own nothing.

inhale.. exhale.. inhale.. exhale..

2010-04-07T19:08:00.003+07:00

So now I keep telling myself,

Don't worry.. Everything's gonna be just fine.. Stop wasting your time worrying.. and stop comparing yourself to others!

I'm down.

I'm doomed.

I'm so dead.

When I Look at You

2010-04-06T23:01:00.003+07:00

When my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you, I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me
All I need, every breath that I breath
Don't you know, you're beautiful?

When I Look at You - Miley Cyrus

For no reason, I just feel like blogging

2010-04-05T09:53:00.001+07:00

Gue benci keadaan di mana gue kuliah dalam keadaan sakit PILEK! D a m n. Sekarang lagi kuliah kalkulus (entah kenapa gue nggak mau bolos kali ini), sebelah kanan gue kosong (Chicha bolos), sebelah kiri gue Ocha (yang hari ini dengan ajaibnya bawa buku Kalkulus Purcell versi Indonesia). Tadi pagi kuis Fisika dengan soal yang mirip banget dengan UTS 1. Bah. Sudah lah ga usah ngomongin kuis.

Pokonya gue sangat ingin balik ke kosan dan tidur. Gue sangat ngantuk dan pilek. Tapi kalo nanti siang ga ikut kuliah, kok rasanya sayang ya?

Hem. Hem. Hem.

Hari ini belom ada rencana kegiatan extraakademis, jadinya nggak semangat. Yawn |:) nggak ada rencana ke sekre, nggak ada rencana ketemu orang, nggak ada rencana belajar juga. Hemph. Dan tadi temen gue bilang gue menggendut :""( nampaknya benar. Duh. Maksudnya gue minggu ini mau ngurangin makan, tapi tadi pagi udah ngabisin gorengan 3! Sinting! Hoek. Dan sekarang perut gue lagi panas"nya akibat gorengan" maksiat itu. Hiiiiiks. Harus janji sama diri sendiri besok" ga boleh beli lagi... Maaf ya teman" yg ngedanus.. Demi alasan kesehatan saya akan berhenti beli makanan danus yang tidak sehat. Yeah! Semoga ini nggak cuman wacana.

Sampai detik ini saya merasa prihatin akan org yg membaca post saya yg ini. Post ini benar" sampah. Saya aja nulis ini cuman karena lagi pengen ngetik" pake E71.. Hohohoho.

Oh ya, jadi kemaren" kan gue pulang ke rumah tuh.. Dan bokap cerita" lah tentang sedikit kejadian di jurusannya itu. Hadu. Gue kok merasa hidup semakin berat ya?

Rasanya gue baru sekarang deh mikir, "kok gue bisa-bisanya mau masuk teknik ya? ITB lagi?" rasanya kuliah ini makin berat aja dooooooooh. Nilai memburuk. Daya juang menurun. Semangat hilang. Hoh. Makin males. Padahal kemaren juga udah berusaha tuh belajar. Eeeeeh malah sakit kepala terus ketiduran. Trus rasanya tuh kayak udah banyak banget ketinggalannya! Noooooooooooo!

HP gue udah mulai ngehang" dipake ngetik. Tanda post ini harus udah berhenti.

Bye bye bye!

sekarang saya

2010-04-01T16:14:00.002+07:00

jatuh.

Hitung percepatan gravitasinya.

right, and it's your name. your name.

2010-03-30T15:32:00.001+07:00

forever in debt to your priceless advice

2010-03-28T19:59:00.005+07:00

"Kalo gue sih, Vi, nggak suka ngerasa sakit terus kayak gitu. Jadi mendingan move on deh dan have fun dengan hal lain. Jangan dipikirin terus."

HEADSHOT!

2010-03-26T21:43:00.002+07:00

Jason Mraz - Bella Luna

2010-03-22T00:48:00.001+07:00

Mystery the moon

A hole in the sky

A supernatural nightlight

So full but often right

A pair of eyes a closin' one

A chosen child of golden sun

A marble dog that chases cars

To farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars

A cosmic fish they love to kiss

They're giving birth to constellation

No riffs and oh no reservation

If they should fall you get a wish or dedication

May I suggest you get the best

For nothing less than you and I

Let's take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting

Oh bella bella please

Bella you beautiful luna

Oh bella do what you do

Do do do do do

You are an illuminating anchor

Of leagues to infinite number

Crashing waves and breaking thunder

Tiding the ebb and flows of hunger

You're dancing naked there for me

You expose all memory

You make the most of boundary

You're the ghost of royalty imposing love

You are the queen and king combining everything

Intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl

I'm just a singer, you're the world

All I can bring ya

Is the language of a lover

Bella luna, my beautiful, beautiful moon

How you swoon me like no other

May I suggest you get the best

Of your wish may I insist

That no contest for little you or smaller I

A larger chance happened, all them they lie

On the rise, on the brink of our lives

Bella please

Bella you beautiful luna

Oh bella do what you do

Bella luna, my beautiful, beautiful moon

How you swoon me like no other, oh oh oh

in-minibus photo shoot

2010-03-22T00:44:00.003+07:00

I don't know, I just think that this photo shoot is a great one. Taken from Demi Lovato's Don't Forget video clip.

pic taken from http://disneychannelneeds123.blogspot.com/

E! Fashion Police

2010-03-17T10:59:00.003+07:00

Okay, you all know I'm not a fashion people, I'm not a fashionista, I don't even dress better than any people I give critics. But this E! Fashion Police web makes me want to keep looking on these celebs outfits. and OMG OMG OMG there are lots of gorgeous dresses I'll never wear in my life, and there are also lots of flaws, though. I only posts some pictures worth my time. Enjoy, or you can take a look at the site itself, you can vote whether it's a GLAM or SHAM.

Rihanna, I want those shoes! Gimme and I'll make a more appropriate hair to match em!

Love the dress, Fanning. Should add more hair-do.

Dress or lingerie, Richie? but she still looks gorgeous even in a long-lingerie. Love the color.

It's like getting into Gaga Wonderland.

I never like Kristen Stewart's looks, and NOOO, no, it's not because of jealousy (please, I'd rather be jealous of Taylor Swift, Vanessa Hudgens, or Leighton Messter). But this dress is sooo cute I love it so much!!

I really adore Taylor Swift's golden look @ Z100's Jingle Ball in New York City. She's pretty. And her hair is flawless. And the dress is daaaaaaamn beautiful! like a peacock.

Hello, sl*tty Cyrus. No, no, no, I don't call her sl*tty for her hotpants, but look at what her hair extensions are hiding.

E! Fashion Police may say this is an Ugly look of Katy Perry @ Grammy, but I kinda think it's adorable. She looks like a candy. I mean, she has a perfect body and it fits the dress!

Vanessa Hudgens in simple mini dress, looking as fabulous and beautiful as usual.

Taylor Swift @ CMA Awards. Glamorous. Flawless. As ever.

All pictures are E! Online's own. I own nothing. only repost.

Live Blog from Physics Class

2010-03-15T07:44:00.000+07:00

Malessss lah uts fisika dibahas. Bzzzzzzz. Nilai uts gue udah suram nih gue udah yakin dapet 0 koma. Tolol. Tolol. Tolol. Tolol. Berapa nomer yg di kertas jawabannya gue kosong sama sekali. Sumpah lah kali ini gue bahkan lebih ngerasa tolol dibanding waktu gue Kalkulus. Waktu Kalkulus gue masihh bisa ngejawab. Ini sama sekali nggak lah!
Mana semua yg gue pelajarin dan apalin nggak ada yg keluar. Bola-bola bermuatan, selenoida, toroida, nggak ada yg keluar!

Singkat cerita, penyesalan pra dan pasca UTS Kalkulus itu belum berhasil mengubah pola belajar gue. Tapi kali ini beda. Gue ngerasa agak bisa sih, soalnya Fisika itu di kelas gue masih ada menyimak, nyatet lengkap, dan kalo temen" gue nanya, kadang gue masih bisa jawab.
Dan memang H+1 UTS fisika ini, ada acar Pre-Event GME, dimana gue ikut audisi band di acara ini!
F!!!!!!
Jadi masalah minggu ini adalah masalah konsentrasi. Gue udah berusaha baca buku pun, gue nggak bisa konsen sama sekali. Kepikiran GME. Lagu belom jadi. Latihan kurang. Dll. Dll. Takut tampil jelek. Belom kompak. Belom lagi, gw ada masalah sama ........., ya, nggak usah diceritain di sini deh. Intinya beberapa hari sebelum UTS Fisika gue habiskan dengan menangis, stres, sakit kepala, takut, dan tidur yg lama (krn sakit kepala).

Dan memang usaha berbanding lurus dengan hasil. Kertas jawaban UTS gue kosong banget lah. Rumus" yg gue hapal last minute banyak yg blank. Pas ngerjainnya pake sakit perut lagi. Fatal.

Menyesal.
Hopeless.
Siap dapet 0.
Siap" ikut UAS Fisika.

Tuhan itu ada?

2010-03-11T12:15:00.002+07:00

Analogi yang mengagumkan

Seorang konsumen datang ke tempat tukang cukur untuk memotong rambut dan merapikan brewoknya. Si tukang cukur mulai memotong rambut konsumennya dan mulailah terlibat pembicaraan yang mulai menghangat.

Mereka membicarakan banyak hal dan berbagai variasi topik pembicaraan,
dan sesaat topik pembicaraan beralih tentang Tuhan. Si tukang cukur bilang,
"Saya tidak percaya Tuhan itu ada".

"Kenapa kamu berkata begitu ???" timpal si konsumen.

"Begini, coba Anda perhatikan di depan sana, di jalanan.... untuk menyadari bahwa Tuhan itu tidak ada. Katakan kepadaku, jika Tuhan itu ada, Adakah yang sakit??, Adakah anak terlantar?? Jika Tuhan ada, tidak akan ada sakit ataupun kesusahan. Saya tidak dapat membayangkan Tuhan Yang Maha Penyayang akan membiarkan ini semua terjadi."

Si konsumen diam untuk berpikir sejenak, tapi tidak merespon karena dia tidak ingin memulai adu pendapat. Si tukang cukur menyelesaikan pekerjaannya dan si konsumen pergi meninggalkan tempat si tukang cukur.

Beberapa saat setelah dia meninggalkan ruangan itu dia melihat ada orang di jalan dengan rambut yang panjang, berombak kasar mlungker-mlungker-istilah jawa-nya, kotor dan brewok yang tidak dicukur. Orang itu terlihat kotor dan tidak terawat.

Si konsumen balik ke tempat tukang cukur dan berkata,"Kamu tahu,sebenarnya TIDAK ADA TUKANG CUKUR."

Si tukang cukur tidak terima,

" Kamu kok bisa bilang begitu ?? Saya disini dan saya tukang cukur. Dan barusan saya mencukurmu!"

"Tidak!" elak si konsumen. "Tukang cukur itu tidak ada,sebab jika ada, tidak akan ada orang dengan rambut panjang yang kotor dan brewokan seperti orang yang di luar sana", si konsumen menambahkan.

"Ah tidak, tapi tukang cukur tetap ada!", sanggah si tukang cukur. " Apa yang kamu lihat itu adalah salah mereka sendiri, kenapa mereka tidak datang ke saya", jawab si tukang cukur membela diri.

"Cocok!" kata si konsumen menyetujui. "Itulah point utama-nya!. Sama dengan TUHAN, TUHAN ITU JUGA ADA !, Tapi apa yang terjadi... orang-orang TIDAK MAU DATANG kepada-NYA, dan TIDAK MAU MENCARI-NYA. Oleh karena itu banyak yang sakit dan tertimpa kesusahan di dunia ini."

Si tukang cukur terbengong !!!!

repost dari Notesnya Rino Reynaldo di Facebook.

for The Boy Who Only Think of Himself

2010-03-07T19:46:00.002+07:00

I was looking around

while I catch your eyes were looking at me

was it true?

or was I just thinking that you were looking,

while actually you were looking wherever else?

and I hide my smile,

thinking that you probably think of me somehow makes me feel happy inside.

being with you is like being in a chapter of mathematics;

PROBABILITY.

I keep on guessing what is actually happening,

and until now, I still don't know whether it's right or wrong.

you do just like how Katy Perry sings it, "You're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no."

and sometimes you make me sick of the walls that you've built,

of the maze that you've created,

of your perfection,

yes, they do make me sick.

I don't know how close we get,

yet I still feel you're there, so far far away, I don't know where.

and it's killing me.

being happy and sad at the same time.

feeling hopeful and trying to stop to hope at the same time.

smiling and worried at the same time.

you don't know, do you?

or, do you know, and you keep playing this as a game,

because I'm not even the girl you're looking for?

you're careless.

you don't care about me,

or maybe about everybody. everything.

you're cool.

too cool that I should say you're cold.

not cool.

you're cold.

you play around just for yourself.

doing what you like.

laughing like nothing happens.

you might be a great person,

too great for a person,

but that's what make you a great person,

you're only there for yourself.

your own happiness.

your own games.

your own glory.

you're too great that you would not even look to anybody else.

you're there for yourself.

great.

It reminds me to what my Daddy always told me,

"Boys growing up take time longer than girls do."

have fun with your life, honey.

Love from me, wherever you are.

P.S: you probably notice I write "boy" at the title. Why? I know you're older than me, but you don't act like a man. you're just a boy. the same boy. same old boy.

I just know things.

2010-03-07T00:26:00.002+07:00

Sometimes, I just know things.

And this time, I see it.

and I'm telling myself,

please stop dreaming, Avi. Please.

In the times like these

2010-03-05T11:49:00.000+07:00

When I'm all alone
Clearing my head out
Suddenly I feel connected again to God
And I spoke to Him
Like a long-lost daughter going back home
Saying "I miss you, Father"
And I told him what's happened recently,
He smiled and listen
He doesn't judge
He just listened for whatever I said

I've been forgetting you, Father.
I've been drowned so long in my own thought.
Worrying about how to compete.
Trying not to be defeated.
Trying to depend on myself.

It's as if I claim I can live without you.

And I'm sorry.
The truth is, I can't.
I need you, Father.
Without you, there is no home on earth.
Without you, there is no me.
And you've always been here but I didn't realize because I've been stubborn.

And you smiled.
And said you always forgive me, said you're glad I would come back.
You missed me as I missed you.

And I feel I'm such a snob, for being solitaire without you these times.
Not going to church anymore.
Not readding bible anymore.
Missing time to pray every morning and night.

I cried.
I hate myself.
I mean, I always hate myself.
And now I hate myself for this.

And you gimme opened arms,
Comfort me,
And said,
"what's important is that now you know what you need and what you've been missing. Come back anytime. There's no rejection in my house for everyone who wants to be saved. I know your life has been outrageous that you forgot who you were and where you came from."

No, Father, life wasn't outrageous.
I was the one who make it sounds outrageous...

And I feel healed already.
I made mistakes, Father.
And forgeting you was one of my biggest mistake.
Thanks for always being here,
I know you're here even if when I look around I look nobody.
Thankyou for giving my strength back.
My smile back.

I'm ready to strive again.

This is my climb

2010-03-05T10:26:00.000+07:00

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be another battle.
Sometimes, I'm gonna have to lose.

Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's THE CLIMB.

--- miley cyrus, The Climb

Tobaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! T_____T

2010-03-05T01:35:00.000+07:00

Kenapa gue ngeblog sekarang sementara jam 3 sore nanti gw akan mengikuti uts kalkulus 2A? Karena gue setres!!

Beneran deh kacau banget kuliah gue sekarang. F!! Gue bego. Ga bisa ngatur waktu. Kebanyakan buang" waktu buat hal ga penting. Di kelas nyimak aja susah. Ngantuk. Pusing. BT. Males. Dan nanti jam 3 uts, gue masih ada bahan yg elom gue kuasain! Sukurin! Hiiiih! Rasanya pengen maki" diri sendiri, "Suruh siapa kemaren2 kuliah nggak bener? Nggak nyicil belajar? Nggak serius? Malah nyampah? Sekarang rasain tuh!! Pengen apa kalkulus ngulang?"

Rasanya pengen marah ke diri sendiri. Pengen nangis. Pengen mukul" diri sendiri. Ngapain gw kemaren" buang" waktu buat hal ga penting? Maksud gw, mending kalo gue tuh ga belajar buat hal penting, ini waktu malah gue habisin dengan nyampah. Tolol. Avi tolol. Goblok. Sekarang rasain akibatnya.

Gw gak tau. Beneran. Gue gak tau, kalo sampe kalkulus gue ngulang, gue harus bilang apa ke bokap nyokap? Apa gue masih kurang ngecewain mereka?

Belom lagi, taun depan pasti super hectic. Gila aja, tingkat dua + 4 SKS kalkulus. Mau mati nggak tuh?

Jadi tujuan gue nulis blog ini dengan menggunakan hape (sumpah, pegel!) adalah untuk mengingatkan diri gue sendiri bahwa ini adalah terakhir kalinya gue nyampah dan ga sadar waktu! Ini bener" terakhir kalinya!

Resolusi gue mulai H+1 UTS 1 Kalkulus 2A adalah:
- akan lebih sering bolos kuliah kalkulus (yg nggak efektif) dan menggantinya dengan belajar mandiri
- online pake laptop maksimal 2 jam sehari
- akan lebih menjaga kesehatan dengan cukup olahraga
- ngerjain tutor yg udah dibagi

Ya udah deh 4 aja, udah cukup berat. Gue nggak mau mati konyol di ITB. UTS 1 gue mungkin jelek, tapi gue nggak mau ini keulang lagi. Tobat. Gw tobat. Udah cukup gue ngerasa kayak gini. Cukup. Gue nggak mau lagi semua urusan akademik dan non-akademik gue keteteran lagi semua. Kesalahan utama gue adalah: online berlebihan. Ga mau lagi. Ga mau lagi, ya Tuhan Yesus, please bantu gue!!

Oya buat pembaca, kalo ada yg mau masuk ITB nih, jangan tiru gue ya. Kamu boleh seneng maen. Boleh seneng berkegiatan. But puhlease, jangan nyepelein kuliah. Percuma lah awalnya seneng", tapi ternyata berujung di-DO, atau nggak di-DO, tapi kuliah banyak ngulang; sumpah, bakalan CAPEK!!

Ya udah deh, buat apa sampah kayak gue mau mewejang segala. Sekarang gue mau ngelanjutin belajar kalkulus. Semoga Tuhan mau mengampuni kemalasan gue dan tetap mengkaruniai saya dengan badan sehat dan pikiran jernih saat ngerjain kalkulus nanti. Amin.

I broke my promise. I blog today.

2010-02-28T14:48:00.006+07:00

When I was still in high school, I was afraid that once I get to college, I would have no life. But now that I'm in college, I'm grateful that high school is over, and starting to be worried that after I graduate from college, I will have no life.

---me

My Blog Is So Full of Ramblings and Melancholic Words That Sometimes I Myself Am Sick of It

2010-02-26T21:44:00.004+07:00

If I own an emo band, I'd probably name one of those songs with those words. I mean, hey, how come my blog now replaces the use of my diary? I left my diary empty (writing by hand takes much more energy than typing), and I write--almost--everything in blog, how stupid is that? I mean, I don't even share stories with my parents, but I let the whole (cyber) world knows what I'm feeling, isn't that stupid and thoughtless?

But then again, I don't even want to delete my older posts, nor even I want to delete my blog. I do not update my blog everyday, I don't really write what happens everyday here, so, now, I feel I do no wrong writing emo blog whatsoever. My blog is where I write my thoughts, where I write what I feel, when I've combine those sentences to be paragraphs, not a place where I write what happens daily. And I write a new posts everytime I know that my twitter followers are gonna be sick if I tweet another emo tweets. LOL.

Pardon me, I'm not that emo. I write emo things just because those emo thoughts show up when I'm alone, and I don't want to waste 'em all away. So what if I combine those thoughts to be paragraphs?

And again, I know I'm not good with words. Not in Indonesian. Not in English. So probably you all yawn several times or maybe already leave this blog because this post is so DAMN boring that you wouldn't have read this sentence, LOL, believe me, I know. The only reason why you would read this post is either because you have nothing else better to do, or you're stalking my blog, or someone force you to, or you just wonder how stupid I am to waste my time to write craps like these. Whatever. I'm so sorry that my head is full of craps to write. but believe me, this is gonna be my last post on the next 96 hours. I'm gonna force myself to study. The calculus mid exams is only 6 days to go, and I really really hate that subject that I even think that I am stupid for not knowing that getting myself in into an Institute of Technology means I have to learn it want it or not.

*yawn*

I don't use the right grammar or even maybe some of vocabularies I use here are wrong, haha, I don't even want to re-check this post, I'm gonna leave soon.

byee.

byeeeeeee.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

officially signing off in 5 minutes.

aku di malam teduh

2010-02-26T00:42:00.001+07:00

Reblog from Nicole Andrea.

aku di sini . tidakkah kau tahu ???

aku memanggilmu

dan kau tertidur

aku memanggil namamu

kau memejamkan matamu

rasanya engkau begitu jauh

kau tidak lagi mengenalku

aku terjatuh

kau tak tahu

dulu tak begitu

dulu

aah…..aku lupa . itu masa lalu

saat ini langit begitu gelap untukku

dan aku tahu

kau tak peduli lagi padaku

langitmu sedang teduh

dan kau hanya berbagi cerita sendu

kau berseru

aku selalu menunggu

selalu

menunggu

walau

kau

acuh

aku

tahu

aku

tunggu

lihat aku

lihatlah sekali saja….AKU

ralat .

2010-02-22T23:12:00.003+07:00

those melancholy words bellow, they were real, but it was just a sudden mood drop.

when I read it back, I feel like it wasn't me.

I'll stop being melancholic.

tired .

2010-02-22T21:50:00.004+07:00

Really.

I'm tired.

It's like waiting for rain in the drought.

I keep telling myself I'm okay without you, I can be without you.

I'm bored telling myself that maybe you're not the one for me, and trying to convince myself that I should not like you.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of wishing.

I'm tired of sleeping, dreaming, and when I wake up, I never see any chance.

I'm tired of hoping.

I'm tired of asking what you think in my head.

I'm tired of trying to know what you feel.

I'm tired of pretending to smile in front of you.

I'm tired of trying to laugh when you tell me about girls, while I actually am just about to cry.

I'm tired of telling everybody that I like you but I never get anything in return.

I'm tired of trying to live the fact that you don't want me here.

Am I just a game for you?

Am I just a good friend that you care about?

Am I just someone you're with when you feel like your hope is dying?

Am I just... am I just...... nothing?

Maybe you don't know that my feeling is real,

maybe you don't consider me important in your life,

maybe now you're enjoying your time alone or with somebody else, doing what you like, wherever you are,

maybe now you don't even know that, here, I'm holding my tears not to fall,

I've been trying to make you go away from my head.

I've been trying to tell myself that I should focus on my study.

I've been trying to tell myself that you're not the only one....

Really.

Some people may bring me down, saying that I'm just a labile melancholic young girl,

but they don't feel what I'm feeling right now.

I need you.

I'm waiting for your text message.

I'm waiting for your call.

Waiting for you to chat me.

Wishing that yesterdays were real, and you keep 'em tightly in your mind and rewind 'em every time...

But, who am I to want you to be that way?

If you're reading this, and you know this is for you,

I'm telling you, I'm not that desperate on you,

But I just want you to know what I feel, but I don't know how to say it.

Maybe you're reading this.

or maybe you don't even know I wrote this for you.

when I talk to you..

2010-02-10T00:21:00.002+07:00

dulu aku suka padamu, dulu aku memang suka~

2010-01-27T20:36:00.003+07:00

abis ngegeje ngedangdut bareng Deify di kampus pake lagu ini.

hahaha.

bang Rhoma poooooooooool abis!

*the title of this song is Mirasantika by Rhoma Irama.

CINTA by Kahlil Gibran

2010-01-18T20:49:00.004+07:00

this video is created by my a friend of mine, reynal, a very simple video, tapi kata-katanya ngena banget.

These words gave me strength while I'm weak.

Ada hal-hal yg tdk ingin kita lepaskan, seseorang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan
tapi melepaskan bukan akhir dari dunia, melainkan sesuatu awal dari kehidupan baru

Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yg tersakiti, mereka yang telah dan tengah mencari, dan mereka yang telah mencoba. Karena mereka-lah yang bisa menghargai betapa pentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupan mereka.

Apabila cinta tidak bertemu, bebaskan dirimu. Biarkan hatimu kembali ke alam bebas lagi. Kau mungkin menyadari, bahwa kamu menemukan cinta dan kehilangannya.

Tapi ketika cinta itu mati, kamu tidak perlu mati bersama cinta itu.

Orang yang bahagia bukan orang yang selalu mendapatkan keinginannya, melainkan mereka yang tetap bangkit ketika mereka jatuh.

Cintamu akan tetap di hatinya, sebagai penghargaan abadi atas pilihan-pilihan hidup yang telah kau buat.

Mungkin akan tiba saatnya di mana kamu harus berhenti mencintai seseorang, bukan karena orang tersebut berhenti mencintai kita, melainkan karena kita menyadari bahwa orang itu akan lebih berbahagia apabila kita melepaskannya.

I'll move on... I'll rise and stand up again. Yes, I will.

Dalai Lama's 18 Rules for Living

2010-01-15T20:40:00.002+07:00

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:
- Respect for self
- Respect for others
- Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Flyleaf rocks my socks

2010-01-09T23:37:00.003+07:00

Recently listened to Flyleaf. awalnya gara-gara disuruh temen gue buat dengerin lagunya yang berjudul "I'm So Sick". Itu lagu ngagetin sumpah! Di awal-awal lagunya aja si vokalis, Lacey Mosley, suaranya pelan melengking kaya hantu (ooups! ini bukan hinaan yaa. serius gue merinding!), eh tiba-tiba dia nge-scream dooooong! This is not my most favorite song of theirs, tapi setelah gue denger-denger, boleh juga lah Flyleaf.

I'm not a great music commentator, so I'll not give lots of comments, I just listen to their songs and I like 'em.

My favorites so far are "All Around Me" and "Again".

Here I'll give ya a videostream, give it a listen : )

BOLD anything true

2010-01-08T23:43:00.002+07:00

got this from Nindya

I’m loud.
I’m obnoxious.
I’m sarcastic.
I’m cocky.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
For the most part, I don’t like people.
I’m easy to get along with.
I like to fight.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked.
I’ve smoked weed.
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.

My Appearance
I’m shorter than 5’5.
I wear makeup
I wear a piece of jewelery at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I’ve had braces.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I straighten my hair often.
My ears are pierced.
I have small feet.

Relationships
I’m in a relationship now.
I’m single.
I’m crushin’.
I’ve missed an ex before.
I’m always scared of being hurt.
An ex has physically abused me at least once.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships
I have a best friend.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
I’ve beaten up a friend. (its normal,love)
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences
I’ve been on a train.
I’ve left the state/province.
Someone close to me has died.
I’ve taken a taxi.
I’ve taken a city bus.
I’ve taken a school bus.
I’ve gone bungee jumping.
I’ve made a speech.
I’ve been in some sort of club.
I’ve won an award.
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music
I listen to country.
I listen to pop.
I listen to techno.
I listen to rock.
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.
I hate the radio.
I download music.
I buy CD’s.

Television
I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
I watch soap operas daily.
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
I’ve seen and like The OC.
I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.
I’ve seen and like Popular.
I’ve seen and like House.
I’ve seen and like 24.
I’ve seen and like CSI.
I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life
I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.
I have at least one step brother/sister.
I have at least one half brother/sister.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I’ve ran away from my home.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve made my parents cry.
I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red. (very light)
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve been brown.
I’ve had streaks.
I’ve had purple/pink.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.
I’ve had/want dreadlocks.

School
I’ve thrown something at a teacher.
I’ve yelled at a teacher.
I’ve been suspended.
I’ve had an in-school suspension.
I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.
I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
I’ve failed a test.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
I’ve failed Art.
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed Math.
I’ve failed Science.
A teacher has called my parents.
I’ve been caught skipping.
I’ve been on the honor roll.
I’ve been on effort honor roll.

kepercayaan.

2010-01-07T11:30:00.002+07:00

barusaaaan banget, gue baca status FBnya temen gue, dia nulis "gue salah, gua salah percaya orang. nggak ada yang bisa dipercaya di dunia ini, kecuali diri sendiri."

woooww. okey. sejenak gw terhenyak. kebayang kalo gue adalah temen dia, dan gue dianggep ga bisa dipercaya, WTF!? tapi sekaligus gue jadi inget" pengalaman hidup (cieh) gue selama ini....

dia betul.

sebenernya, nggak ada lho yg bisa dipercaya?

Dan sebelom lo menganggap gue yang kuper,nggak punya sahabat, dll, I'll tell you, I do have best friends, and I trust them. Tapi memang, kepercayaan yang gue beri ke seorang sahabat pun, nggak gede-gede banget, because I'm trying not to depend on other people.

Sahabat pasti akan selalu jujur ke lo apa adanya, tapi ada kalanya dia khilaf, ada kalanya dia kepepet, ada kalanya dia punya kebutuhannya sendiri, sehingga akhirnya nggak jujur...

dan sebagai seorang sahabat yang juga punya kekurangan, lo pasti udah mengenal sahabat lo sebegitu baiknya sehingga lo juga tau dia bisa salah dan nggak jujur khan?

tapi, di akhir cerita, si sahabat pasti ujung-ujungnya jujur, karena, jujur aja, nggak enak nutup-nutupin sesuatu dari sahabat juga... dan kadang ini bikin kita jadi sulit percaya lagi sama dia.

So,

kepercayaan itu bukan suatu hal yang mudah dipertahankan.

gue sering banget nggak percaya sama orang cuman karena hal sepele. sering banget kesel cuman karena tau kalo teman yang gue percaya, nggak bisa diandalkan.

rasanya pengen marah. kadang malah pengen nangis. pengen orang kayak gitu nggak usah ada aja di dunia.

dan,ups, mungkin di saat itu gue sempet lupa, sempet lupa kalo gue juga manusia, punya salah, dan pasti pernah juga mengecewakan orang yang udah percaya sama gue.

Tapi sekarang gue tau. kita emang nggak semestinya percaya sama orang gitu aja. semua orang di dunia ini punya motifnya masing-masing. gue nggak menutup kenyataan bahwa sebenernya masih ada juga kok orang yang bener-bener tulus, tapi nggak gitu, sebenernya kita emang nggak seharusnya percaya sama orang lain kok..

kita cuman harus percaya sama: TUHAN.

ya, gue emang nggak keliatan seperti orang yang religious, but I really believe in God, and I call it faith. I have faith in God.

nggak peduli agama lo apa, asal lo darimana, lo punya Tuhan. Tuhan-lah satu-satunya yang bisa lo andalkan dalam hidup lo. Tuhan-lah satu-satunya yang bisa lo percaya. Dia nggak akan boong. Dia nggak akan menjerumuskan lo ke hal-hal buruk.

beberapa bulan lalu, waktu gue lagi down-downnya karena gue nggak tau siapa yang harus gue percaya, gue curhat terus sama Tuhan. gue ceritain semuanya. sampe gue nangis. dan lo tau Tuhan jawab apa?

Dia buka tangannya lebar-lebar, dia bilang, "Selama ini, yang harus kamu percaya selalu ada di hati kamu, selalu ada di samping kamu, selalu bersama kamu, tapi kamu belum pernah menyadarinya?"

gue kaget. gue ngerasa nggak tau diri. selama ini gue ngelupain Tuhan, dan gue baru dateng ke Tuhan begitu gue ngerasa bahwa di dunia nggak ada yang bisa dipercaya aja?

Since then, I chose to trust nobody but God. Gue percaya Tuhan ngasih gue sahabat-sahabat yang baik, yang bisa dipercaya. Gue percaya Tuhan ngasih gue keluarga yang paling baaaiiiikk yang menyayangi gue apa adanya. Gue percaya Tuhan ngasih gue tempat kostan yang paling baik buat gue. Gue percaya Tuhan ngasih gue kesempatan dengan keterimanya gue di ITB.

Gue percaya.

I have faith.

Dan kepercayaan itulah, satu-satunya yang membantu gue untuk tetap kuat, bertahan, walau sesering apapun dikecewain orang lain, walau sesering apapun dicurangin orang lain,

karena gue percaya,

apapun yang buruk yang terjadi hari ini, orang-orang yang udah merusak kepercayaan gue selama ini,

nggak ada apa-apanya dibanding dengan kuasa dan berkat yang udah Tuhan berikan dalam hidup gue.

yea. It made me sick :'(

2010-01-01T23:43:00.002+07:00

#09memories

2010-01-01T11:18:00.004+07:00

Instead of filling my Twitter with my ramblings, I kinda think blogging much more appropriate to hold my thoughts. hehee. so here I am. today is Friday, New Year, and I'm staying home, not going anywhere. I'm starting to be worried that I'm getting fat, but nevermind, not even I want to go out today. Since my dad is still there downstairs, I cannot watch television all day, so I'll blog.

Here are some photos I haven't uploaded yet:

PROKM group 97 @ Sabuga --- my very first day @ college

karaoke-ing 'til drop with lovely 97 friends

with classmates --- Physics Tutorial is over due to earthquake

disaster performance with Anin, Mangasi, Handi. love the moment, though!

Symphonesia @ Sabuga with Geby, Anin, and Chindy. love listening to Ecoutez!, Maliq, and Glenn Fredly. Good show, good music for our ears.

FTSL besties <3

studying til late night @ campus.

"nikmatilah oh Capres!" CAPTION, @ labtek V ITB

preparing the final Capres! tasks.

meeting "swasta". I hate raincoats. they smell bad X(

the beauty is not upon the candles, the beauty is the moment :,)

"Kita Apres! Kita sekarang punya sekre!"

acoustic-ing with Anin, Grego, and Mangasi. ALL HAIL GREGO AND MANGASI! they're the best musicians ever!

Inter-14 @mustang superindo.

we are: Avi (me), Kiki, Gora, Rere, and Brian.

great times playing music with them : )

taking photos after Mustang.

I really had great times on 2009, especially @ ITB. oh myyy I really looooove this campus, there are still lots of memories unphotographed in this blog.

I love 2009.

Goodbye 2009,

Welcome 2010,

welcome better life : )

welcome 2010!

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+07:00

I do not do NYE parties.

I do not throw fireworks.

but I'm optimistically welcoming new year 2010!

hope it's gonna be (another) great year for us : )

I miss you.

2009-12-30T01:51:00.003+07:00

...and I sing your twisted symphonies.

untitled.

2009-12-30T01:18:00.002+07:00

pengen nulis blog tapi bingung nulis tentang apa. hahaa.

okey. actually gue lagi sangat sangat bingung. gua belom nentuin pilihan mau masuk Prodi apa, while the deadline is tomorrow! ya ampuun. waktu berjalan sangat cepat! gue masih nggak yakin mau masuk Sipil atau Kelautan.

Jadi begini, gue sekarang berada di fakultas yg namanya FTSL; Fakultas Teknik Sipil dan Lingkungan, yang Prodi-nya ada 3; Teknik Sipil, Teknik Lingkungan, dan Teknik Kelautan. Opsi Teknik Lingkungan udah gua buang jauh-jauh. kenapa? gua gak suka kerjaannya; ngurusin sampah, ngurusin limbah, ngurusin tinja. Okey gue sebenernya cinta lingkungan, tapi bukan kaya gitu cara kontribusi gue! Selain itu,mayoritas mahasiswa Teknik Lingkungan adalah cewe; gue ngerasa mati gaya : ( , daaaaaaan, katanya mata kuliahnya ada yg berhubungan dengan Biologi-nya! tidaaaaaaak!

jadi.... pilihan telah dipersempit menjadi; Teknik Sipil, atau Teknik Kelautan.

Jadi ceritanya awal gue mendaftar ITB memilih FTSL itu karena gue berminat (diarahkan bokap untuk) masuk Teknik Kelautan. Well, gue emang nggak tau apa-apa tentang jurusan" di ITB, jadi gue nurut bokap aja... Tapi, setelah masuk ITB, gue jadi nggak yakin mau masuk Teknik Kelautan. KENAPA? Karena saya agak nggak yakin kalo harus diajar sama bokap sendiri... yah itu bukan alasan utamanya sih. Okey, alasannya adalah, gua masih nggak ngerti bentuk pekerjaan orang yang masuk Teknik Kelautan itu kaya apa....

Temen gua bilang,untuk yang Offshore (yang gajinya paling gede), kerjanya 2 minggu di laut, 2 minggu di darat. BAYANGKAN! BAYAAAANGKAAAN! 2 minggu menatap birunya laut, 2 minggu yang panas, 2 minggu tanpa mall, 2 minggu tanpa belanja, 2 minggu tanpa refreshing, 2 minggu nggak pulang ke rumah? Okey, terserah mau bilang saya manja atau apa. Saya sih cuman realistis. apa iya, itu segitu worth it nya?

haaaaaaaaah.

Dan akhirnya gue pun mempertimbangkan Teknik Sipil. Dan yang gue pikir kalo masuk Sipil cuman satu; saingan. Cape-cape masuk ITB, Teknik Sipil di univ-univ lain juga banyaaaak! dan kerjaannya? bikin jalan, bikin bangunan, bikin bendungan......

Selain itu passing grade Teknik Sipil paling tinggi di antara prodi" lainnya di FTSL......

sebenernya gue gak punya bayangan yang jelas masing" jurusan kerjaannya kaya apa, makanya bingung mau milih apa : (

gimana ini gimana ini gimana ini??????

Hinder - Lips of An Angel

2009-12-16T02:47:00.003+07:00

I found this in my friends' playlist, and I kinda like it.

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Adam Lambert - Time for Miracles [OST 2012]

2009-12-16T02:44:00.001+07:00

Miley Cyrus - These Four Walls

2009-12-16T02:36:00.003+07:00

Well, I don't know what people say about Miley, I think she's a good singer.

GO MILEY GO GO!

This is my favorite song, and this song has a beautiful lyrics, written by Cheyenne Kimball.

maaf .

2009-12-09T16:26:00.005+07:00

buat kamu mungkin kata itu mudah banget diucapkan.

sama aja kayak kalo kamu lagi ngomong "anjing!"

ya, semudah itu.

tapi arti kata itu buat aku,

jauh lebih besar dari itu.

aku bukan orang yang pendendam.

aku gak bisa benci sama orang.

aku juga selalu ngerasa beban kalo belom bisa maafin orang.

aku pengen kita bisa temenan lagi.

pengen semuanya biasa aja....

tapi........

ya, seperti yang aku bilang tadi;

kata maaf itu cuma sesuatu yang terlalu gampang kamu ucapkan,

hingga arti maaf itu sendiri hilang.

aku tau kamu nggak peduli.

it's okay.

udah biasa.

high school.

2009-12-05T15:23:00.003+07:00

yes, I do.

I hate my high school times. it sucks. gue gak suka semua yang ada di dalamnya; kepsek yang terlalu gila hormat, kelas-kelas yang panas, seragam baru yang nggak banget, peraturan-peraturan rese yang terlalu dibuat-buat (example: kaos kaki harus lebih tinggi dari betis atau lo akan diceramahin hal-hal gak penting oleh kepsek), perbedaan "kasta" yang sangat kentara (baca: guru pilih kasih), anak-anak kayak yang kompak tapi kayak nge-geng, too much backstabbing, beberapa anak yang mau pintar cuma buat dirinya sendiri, kerja kelompok yang akhirnya cuma diberesin oleh 25% anggota kelompok, kantor administrasi yang susah dimintai kejelasan, ijazah yang sangat ngaret, belom lagi gue di SMA gak pernah aktif apa-apa. Bayangkan betapa boriiinnngggnya kehidupan SMA gue :(

BUT I wasn't that pathetic. gue punya sekelompok kecil teman-teman yang asik dan solid, and I think it's enough. gue nggak populer. gue nggak gahol. gue bukan orang yang banyak kenal sana sini. gue agak pemalu. Dan itu lah yang membuat gue sangat menyayangi teman-teman gua. Walau di saat gue sekacau apa pun, they're there for me :)

dan bahkan ada temen yang gue pernah jauhin karena gue pikir dia agak rese, tapi dia tetap baik ke gue, tetep nganggep gue sahabat... gue kadang ngerasa gue ini nggak tau diri banget ngejauhin sahabat sendiri :'(

Satu hal paling buruk yang terjadi di antara gue dan sahabat-sahabat gue di SMA adalah: backstabbing. Satu sama lain saling nggak berani bersikap frontal, ngomong baik-baik tentang kesalahannya. Menurut gue ini masalah banget, karena sebenernya gue nggak tahan harus pura-pura semuanya baik-baik saja, tapi di dalam hati ada saling kesel. dan ini berlanjut sampe kelulusan, sampai kelulusan pun, gue masih merasa masalah ini belom beres (atau cuma gue aja kali yang belom beres,gak tau juga...).

Sekarang setelah ada 3 bulanan gue duduk di bangku kuliah dan melihat kembali ke masa SMA gue, gue cuma bisa tersenyum. Masa SMA gue nggak seburuk itu. kami masih polos. masih sama-sama nggak tau apa yang harus diperbuat. masih banyak gak tau tentang hidup. Dan dari apa yang gue inget, tiap kali di SMA gue lagi ada susah pun, selalu ada teman yang nge-support ataupun menemani gue :)

Dan gue selalu inget masa-masa kami nge-geje di kosan salah satu sahabat gue, masak mie bareng-bareng dalam porsi gede, bikin sirup banyakan, nonton film bareng.........

sampai ke perjuangan kami buat menyelesaikan Karya Ilmiah BI yang sialan banget, ngetik ampe sore diburu-buru, asistensi berapa kali dan salah melulu, ngejar waktu buat ngejilid, karena tempat ngejilid jauh sampe harus naek mobil temen gue, motokopi Karil 8 kali, berteduh di depan rumah temen gue sampe ditawarin makanan yg banyak, ke penjilidan di depan Marnath, ngejemput temen gue yang baru beres les, nganterin gue pulang, lalu ngambil jilidan.........

God, seems like I have been through a lot of things I didn't realize.

And a lot of memories just keep on rolling like a film roll. Masa-masa kelas X dimana kami masih cupu banget. Masa-masa kelas XI dimana kami suka meng-autis-kan diri di kelas. Masa-masa kelas XII yang dipenuhi dengan cerita kekesalan (LOL). Masa-masa ke Bali. Masa-masa ujian praktek Seni.

I'm glad I don't have to go back to those times. hanya aja gue ngerasa kangeeeen sama teman-teman sependeritaan gue! hahaaaa. pathetic banget.

Sekarang susah banget ngatur waktu buat main bareng, ato sekedar ketemu aja. kampus kami jauh-jauhan... yah sebenernya temen-temen gue pada satu kampus sih........ yang misah cuma gue dan satu temen gue yang juga di itb. tapi sama aja; SIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK! atau sok sibuuuuuuuuuuuuuk.

well,gue kehabisan kata-kata buat ngelanjutin blog.

I just want to hang out with them like we used to.

HOROSCOPE

2009-12-03T02:50:00.003+07:00

" your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart "

I love college life.

2009-12-03T01:55:00.003+07:00

satu komentar buat kehidupan kuliah gue: SUPER HECTIC!

sekarang gue ngerti apa yang kakak-kakak kelas gue bilang; "Siap-siapa aja ya, Vi, kehidupan kuliah itu beda banget sama kehidupan kamu waktu SMA. Apalagi di kuliah nanti, gak banyak waktu buat bareng-bareng sama temen-temen kayak semasa SMA. Semuanya masing-masing." heeeeeeeeeeeeeeem. Okeii. gue baru merasakan yang namanya kuliah sekitar 3 bulan lebih, dan kuliah itu emang bedaaaa banget dari SMA. But it's so wooonnnnderfuuuuul!

gue ngos-ngosan banget kuliah di ITB. ITB itu asik. orangnya bener-bener heterogen. banyak UKM (unit kegiatan mahasiswa) yang bisa dipilih dan diikutin. banyak kegiatan yang asik tapi gak penting dan bikin capek. and not to forget, banyak cowok di sini (bandingin sama SMA gue yang cowonya cuman 30% dari total jumlah siswa). TAPIIIIII....... gue dapet dosen-dosen yang ZHOOOONNNKKK semua. seminggu sekali ada UTS yang bahannya seabreg-abreg. plusssss tugas-tugas yang emang sih gak banyak-banyak amat tapi susahhh dan gak maen-maen.

jadi di sela-sela asik-asiknya gue maen sana-sini, gue harus selalu inget untuk cari temen yang pinter yang baik yang mau ngajarin orang, dan harussss nyediain waktu buat belajar dan catch up semua bahan yang di kelas gue sama sekali blank.

sementara distraction banyak banget. facebook. temen-temen Twitter gue yang sekarang berkembang pesat. chatting. keinginan untuk jalan-jalan ke mall dan ngehedon. keinginan untuk nongkrong-nongkrong gajebo dan gigitaran di kampus. keinginan untuk ngegosip (ehm). keinginan untuk maen HP terus. keinginan untuk shopping. dan lain lain dan lain lain.....

apalagi gue ngekost. gak ada yang berhak marahin gue dan ngingetin gue untuk belajar di kost. lol. jadi selama di kost gue berleha-leha aja. berasa hidup udah indah gak perlu diapa-apain lagi.

huuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

nilai-nilai jeblok. UTS 1 gue bisa dibilang jelek. UTS 2 yang kemaren, rasanya nggak banget. haduuuuuhhh. buat apa saya masuk ITB kalo nilai saya hancur-hancuran giniiii..... :""""(

kata-kata bokap nyokap selalu terngiang-ngiang di kepala gue. belajar yang bener. gak ada gunanya kalo TPB (tahap persiapan bersama) di ITB gagal atau di-DO... bakalan stres banget kalo harus ngulang mata kuliah TPB... jangan terlalu ngejar eksis di Unit dulu, percuma eksis kalo ujung-ujungnya di-DO... jangan mau jadi mahasiswa papan bawah,nanti cuma bakal dipandang rendah sama anak-anak lain, dll dll dll....

(beginilah tipikal wejangan yang diberikan oleh kedua orangtua alumni ITB)

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. itu betul. betul kalo seharusnya gue lebih rajin. at least, lebih FOKUS aja. lebih NIAT lah kuliah. jangan nyampah doang kayak sekarang. tapi, gimana pun, tetep aja gue malessssssss. gue kayak gak niat kuliah. seneng maennya doang.

huuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

my life is really colorful since college started. gue lebih ngerasa hidup gue worth it. yang salah cuma semangat gue aja yang nggak adaan. semangat buat maju. gue cuma pengen apa yang enak-enaknya aja.pengen maennya doang. pengen seru-serunya doang. itu yang salahhhh......

besok UTS 2 Fisika.

kita lihat sejauh mana gue akan berusaha.

mulai ngeblog lagi.

2009-12-03T01:33:00.001+07:00

waktu kemaren ngewawancara ketua unit yang saya ikutin (Apres!), Ka Yoyo, dia berwejang, ".....kalo kamu punya blog, update yang rajin, minimal seminggu sekali...." dan tiba-tiba gue inget punya blog nyampah ini. he inspired me. I'll keep on updating :)

my "kost" life !! :)

2009-09-14T19:56:00.005+07:00

me, erland, and vicky decided to study together but end up taking photos (with nindya, jovan, and tasia) using Tasia's gorgeous Macbook webcam:

when one of my housemates is having birthday and we went to play bowling

these are not all of my housemates yet. my housemates are 23 people (including me, 24). some are already fall asleep, and some or busy with their bussines (i dunno what).

i just got to college. i and my parents decided that when i go to college, i would have to live by my own. so then i live in "kostan". and ive gotta tell you that LIVING BY YOUR OWN CAN BE REALLLL FUN ! but also dangerous, cause i spend to much money on everything, and im often too lazy to study. all i do is just hanging around, go online, SMS, chat, talk on the phone, and everything that are not productive!! OMG....
there are so many things ive never got in my high school, i never get in my home. but DAMN, i do miss my home so much.
tomorrow i'll go home. and by the time i arrive there, i will play my guitar and sing loudly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent play guitar in a looooooooonggg time !
BTW, those above are some photos of me, my housemates, and my friends.

Jon McLaughlin - "So Close" lyrics

2009-05-14T14:34:00.006+07:00

Songwriters: Schwartz, Stephen; Menken, Alan Irwin

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you're beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

* this song always makes me wanna cry. why?*
xoxo,
A♥

Love or Lust ?

2009-05-14T14:11:00.003+07:00

Young boy: ‘Which one is better love or lust?’

Old geezer: ‘Both of them give different things. Love gives semi-permanent happiness while lust gives temporary satisfaction.’

Young boy: ‘What is meant by semi-permanent happiness?’

Old geezer: ‘It’s one of feelings lasting for a period of time as long as love hasn’t changed to hatred or lust. Every source gives different outcomes. In other words love gives happiness, hatred gives revenge and lust gives satisfaction.’

Young boy: ‘Can love give permanent happiness?’

Old geezer: ‘There is nothing in this world lasting forever. Time always makes everything evaporate.’

Young boy: ‘So lust is better?’

Old geezer: ‘Lust gives short term satisfaction if there is desire. The desire flies, the satisfaction dies.’

Young boy: ‘I guess neither of them is better then…..’

Old geezer: ‘Love can be better if there is lust. Love without lust makes relationships lose soul. Love with lust gives longer happiness.’

Young boy: ‘Is it true to love somebody with lust?’

Old geezer: ‘In a way. If lust is greater than love, suffering is the outcome. If love is greater than lust, longer lasting happiness is the outcome.’

Young boy: ‘Can love and lust be even?’

Old geezer: ‘Is it possible to control your emotions and desires evenly? Balance is relative. It depends on thought. Love and lust can be even in that way not in an actual way.’

Young boy: ‘Hmm…. love with lust is like cooking with the best ingredients. Although the ingredients are the best, if there are too many of them, the taste of the cooking will be awful.’

Old geezer: ‘Everything in this world is relative. It depends on how we see it. It can be false, true, nice, bad, right or wrong. Nothing is absolute.’

xoxo,
A♥

chocolate pizza

2009-04-29T22:25:00.004+07:00

*Facebook owns!*

... is it delicious?

xoxo,
A♥

No more plastic glass =)

2009-04-24T16:25:00.004+07:00

Long time I don't visit my fave coffee shop Starbucks. So after my UAN (National Final Exams) over, my three friends and I hit the road to PVJ and spent hours in Starbucks. We ordered frapuccinos and were surprised to know that we got 'em served in glass that are made from GLASS, not PLASTIC!

Actually I like the plastic glass better because it's more convy on grip and I could carry it anywhere I want, but thinking about amount of thrases in my city, GLASS glass is better be used than PLASTIC one. Wow. Figure it out, my city has about five Starbucks, and if one day 50 buy drinks from each of the shop, than it will be 250 PLASTIC glass per day, or more! You can always order more than one glass, right? It will be a huge amount of plastic trash, which needs more power to be recycled! The power needed also produced HEAT, and the heat will increase the temperature, which then contribute GLOBAL WARMING!

OMG maybe I think too far about GLASS material usage. But I think it is a good start, reducing the amount of plastic trash =) Kudos then!

FYI they still use that plastic glass, but only for them who take away..

xoxo,
A♥

big flat E61i ^^

2009-04-21T12:48:00.004+07:00

my dad just lent me his Nokia E61i and i kinda think it's a gorgeous phone ^^.

although it is heavy and big, but it's got Wi-Fi in it, so it's OK..
the phone wouldn't be mine.. i just borrow it for couples of months..

FYI: E61i is the one @ left

do u know what applications r good for this phone??
*comment me*

Zac Efrom HSM 3 stills! ♥♥♥

2009-04-18T00:22:00.007+07:00

ok this movie maybe is a bit old.. it was released last year, but I'm still posting this, because I finally had time to capture movie stills using my laptop!

These are my favourite Zac Efron stills =))

*LOL!* Zac and Corbin pushin' this old car.

poor Zac.

these are definitely the stills i like the most!! Zac on the tree giving surprise to Vanessa =))

tell me what do you think eh? =))

WORDS for my past.

2009-04-17T23:25:00.005+07:00

.my world has changed.

.i can see NO hope.
.all i can see is FEAR in me.

.i thought.
.without you i'm stronger.
.i was wrong.
.i'm getting weaker day by day.

.i'm getting older.
.but not getting mature yet.

.i still cry a lot.

.i still whine a lot.

.i still expect people to always be nice to me.

.i still want everything i dont have.

.and i still CAN'T speak my mind.

.i'm still a loser.
.i'm still nothing.

.nothing i've done that make people happy.
.nothing i've done is useful.

.my question is.
. WHY, WHY, WHY? .

.why did i waste my opportunity.

.why did i let my real friends go.

.why did i let the one i really care about fall to wrong hands.

.I was such a FOOL.

.and yeah I'm still a FOOL.

.because i still can't change any of this.

.i know i was wrong.
.but i don't know how to fix it.

. HOW to fix things with you? .

.we are all broken.
.and just like a porcelain.
.what's broken stay broken.

.even getting more broken now.

.my heart.
.my feelings.

.my real smiles.

. i don't know where they are now .

.my world is no more the same.

.you are unreachable.
.seeing you it hurts me.
.i just want you to realize.

. my world has changed .
. but missing you, it will never change .

xoxo.

No Comments? Really.....?

2009-04-12T14:54:00.003+07:00

I often browse my own blog, checking if there would be lots of comments or something... but actually there aren't!
I don't get many comments. I don't get many messages on my Cbox.
At first I just forget it, maybe because my blog is still new.. it haven't contained lots of posts.. or something.
But now I've been having this blog like... for... a year! And still, the comments are empty [okay i got 2 of my friends comment.. but, really?? just it??].
Not that I want everybody to comment me.. to give me message.. or something. But it makes me think that..... is my blog really NOT interesting?
I mean.. it's OK if you think it's not.. but just... pleasssseee tell me whatever you think about my blog now..
Because it's so ironic that in my Counter, I always have unique visitors everyday, but nobody comments!
So pleeeeaaasssseeeee, if you are currently reading this right now, would you just leave me comment??
Tell me what you think about my blog.
Maybe my blog is;

- dull
- boring
- not exciting
- weird
- not a big deal

- or anything??

pleasssseee justtt tell me! I really want to hear it from you =DDD

xoxo.

alex pettyfer ♥

2009-03-08T23:23:00.003+07:00

Just watched Stormbreaker yesterday. It's just another cliche action movie I think. Haha! But OMG Alex Rider [Alex Pettyfer] is a total hottie! So I can't keep my eyes off of the TV screen ♥

what do you think about him eh?